Post by rothome on Jul 13, 2015 14:11:35 GMT
Randy the Rotbrain banged Ick's carpenter's hammer down on the table in front of him. The sound echoed through the old tavern within the bowels of Undercity, its name long forgotten. A few of the Forsaken looked up at him, shook their heads, and went back maudlin reminiscing. On the other hand, Randy was all smiles. He had arranged a half-dozen chairs in a semicircle in front of the square table, and seated in each one was a badly battered, stained, and/or damaged stuffed animal. Randy looked askance at the Pandaren doll with one button eye missing. He looked shifty. He'd have to watch that one closely.
"The first meetin' of the Cherch of Pie has started! Welcome, folks. 'Fore I get started, does anyone have any questions about the Cherch? I'd be happy as nickels to answer 'em."
The dolls wordlessly stared back at him. "Great!" He turned to a small clockwork golem on the table beside him. "Okay, please join Mini-Ick and me in a quick prayer to the creator of Pie." He bowed his head reverently, and Mini-Ick warbled softly.
"Dear super-neat person who made pie, I just wanna say thank you. Pie sure is yummy and wonderful and it's brought us all together to share and be nice to each other. Pie-Creator, I dunno your name 'cause I'm an idiot, but I know you must be real 'cause pie sure is." He lifted his head up, smiled at everyone, and turned to the little golem. "Mini-Ick, wouldja do the honors, please?"
The little construct bleeped in affirmation and took two steps forward before walking off the table and crashing headfirst into the tavern floorboards like a lawn dart. "Watch that first step, little pal." The golem sat up and spat out a bleating noise at Randy. "Don't be sore at me 'cause you ain't lookin' where you're going. Sheesh." Mini-Ick trundled over to a still-steaming pie that was placed on the floor. He seized either side of it with his grippers and lifted it off the floor. Whistling out a chorus of cheery beeps, the golem walked over to the first stuffed animal and chirped.
"Mister Kodo, Mini-Ick would like to offer you some pie in the spirit of Cherch friendship." He waited, and frowned. The stuffed kodo watched him silently. "Aww, I guess he ain't hungry."
Mini-Ick made a vague sighing noise and moved on to that shifty-looking Pandaren. "Mister Pandaren, would you like some pie?"
Randy stared at the one-eyed Pandaren doll.
The Pandaren doll stared back.
Randy kept staring.
So did the Pandaren.
Mini-Ick blooped in despair at the quiet showdown.
Randy blinked first, and then erupted in frustration. "DARN IT! You're a PANDAREN! All you guys DO is eat, and roundhouse kick people too I guess, but mainly EAT! Why don't..." Then Randy had one of his rare epiphanies and slid the palm of his hand down his face.
"Boy oh boy. This is the DUMBEST thing I've done since yesterday maybe. Dolls can't eat pie, and neither can you, Mini-Ick!" The golem responded with a morose whine. "Darn it, how can I have a pie cherch when the folks in it can't eat pie?"
Mini-Ick sighed. Randy dropped down cross-legged beside Mini-Ick and ate the pie alone.